Each of us thought of five words that have weight to us. One of mine was "process." Each participant thought of the first word that came to mind when they heard "process" and I wrote each of their words down. This gave me the following word list, which we were challenged to use in a poem. It's a great exercise and I was fairly pleased with the result.
Poem extracted from the following word list: Process, design, progress, mind, journey, maze, time
Too Slow
by Susie Talbot
She tried to pry open a rosebud
To make a flower sooner
Because it takes too much time
Wanted to see the flower
To make a flower sooner
She forced the rosebud’s progress
Wanted to see the flower
The opening process too slow
She forced the rosebud’s progress
To see its lacy design
The opening process too slow
Wanted to rush its journey
To see its lacy design
With more than her mind
Wanted to rush its journey
Tore through its maze of petals
With more than her mind
Because it takes too much time
Tore through its maze of petals
She tried to pry open a rosebud
Okay now. The next challenge was to turn this poem into free verse rather than a pantoum with the repeating lines. So this is the result of that.
Free Verse:
Too Slow
by Susie Talbot
She tried to pry open a rosebud
To make a flower sooner
Because it takes too much time
The opening process too slow
The opening process too slow
Wanted to see the flower
She forced the rosebud’s progress
To see its lacy design
With more than her mind
Wanted to rush its journey
Tore through its maze of petals
She tried to pry open a rosebud
Which one do you like best--the first or the second version? Thanks for your input.
Susie - i like the second one. something about the symmetry calls to me. And the second one tells about a moment in time, while the first left me expecting something more - a 'and so...' conclusion or something
ReplyDeletevery fond of the pantoum and yet the free verse had a lovely rythym. Both have nice visual presentation.
ReplyDelete